


Fitness Bread

by Puph_17



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 17:32:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17626589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puph_17/pseuds/Puph_17





	Fitness Bread

“I’m starving!” whined Ness.

“Me too!” complained Popo, “what do you mean ‘there’s no food’?” 

Rosalina sighed. “Sorry guys, but there’s no more food. We’ll restock when we get back to Capital City in three hours. I know, I’ll treat you guys to hot dogs and ice cream when we get there!” 

“But we’re hungry now!” grumbled Toon Link, “Three hours is too long!”

The other kid smashers nodded in unison. Suddenly, a new voice spoke up. 

“I have some Fitness Bread, if you would like to try it”. The kids turned around to see Murphy, the male Wii Fit Trainer leaning against the door frame. “I created it myself. It’s full of nutrients, so you won’t get hungry for a long time. It’s also supposed to help with weight loss! It’s great!” 

The kid’s faces lit up, and they crowded around him, as he walked over to the small kitchenette in the Great Fox. 

“Thank you Murphy!” yelled the kids. Murphy pulled out a large loaf of bread, took a knife and began to slice it. As he did, several of the other smashers walked in along with Carrie, the female Wii Fit Trainer, and twin sister of Murphy. 

“Ah! Food! Excellent!” exclaimed Dedede. Carrie’s eyes widened.

“You’re actually going to feed them that!?” she asked.

“What? It meets every single requirement by the Galactic Health Department to be considered food!” replied Murphy.

“But, it…..” Carrie said, but she was cut off by Falco, who said

“It’s bread! Of course it’s good!” He reached out and grabbed a plate with a slice of the bread, and started passing plates around. Finally, he took the last piece, and said “Thanks Murphy!”, and took a bite. His face instantly changed from a cocky smirk to an utterly disgusted grimace. 

“What IS this!?” he sputtered, as he attempted to swallow it. Ness, Popo, Nana, Lucas, and Toon Link wore similar expressions on their faces. Dedede looked absolutely appalled as he spat out his bite of bread into the garbage can. Kirby dropped his uneaten bread in terror, and took several steps away from it. Anything that got THAT kind of reaction out of King “Iron Stomach” Dedede himself was truly something unfit for consumption. 

Yoshi looked around and said, “Come on guys, it can’t be that bad!” He tossed his piece of bread into his mouth. He immediately gagged,he swallowed hard, and pooped out an egg, which broke open to reveal the slice of Fitness bread. He stood there, panting, with the same horrified look on his face.

Fox managed to swallow a bite with a grimace. “Well, it always pays to be prepared!” he said, as he dipped his piece into his mug of coffee. He took a bite of the coffee soaked bread with a satisfactory smirk, but suddenly stood up, rushed over to the garbage can, and spat it out. Fox than ran over to the coffee machine and started drinking coffee straight from the pot. 

Murphy gave him an inquiring look, and asked “So, what do you think?”

Fox gave him a wild, slightly crazed look. “IT’S THE WORST THING I’VE EVER TASTED!” he screamed, as he poured a full pitcher of cream and mostly full box of sugar into the coffee pot, and promptly resumed guzzling it down. 

Murphy continued “And why, might I ask, is it so bad? Is it the flavor? The texture?”

Fox stopped drinking the coffee long enough so say “EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING IS BAD! THE AFTERTASTE, OH THE AFTERTASTE!” At that, he resumed his desperate attempt to kill the awful taste in his mouth with his favorite beverage. 

Carrie rolled her eyes. “That was an experimental batch, wasn’t it?” This got no response. She looked up and saw Murphy writing furiously in a notebook. “Murphy?” Still no response.

She walked over and snatched the book out of his hands and began to read his notes.

“Unsatisfactory!?” She exclaimed, “You get that kind of response, and all you write is unsatisfactory?”

“Well,” sputtered Murphy, “It sounds more scientific! Come on, I’m trying to improve it!”

“Yeah,” growled Carrie sarcastically “I’m sure changing the cricket powder content it by 5-10% is really going to change the flavor. Face it, this Fitness Bread isn’t going to work! How long have you been trying this? 2 years?”

Ness looked aghast. “THERE ARE CRICKETS IN THE BREAD?”

“Why yes! How else do you think I got so much protein in the bread? It’s a ground up, powdered version of the crickets. It’s totally safe to eat!” stated Murphy proudly. 

“THAT’S DISGUSTING!” 

“That’s only the half of it”, grumbled Carrie, “Sadly, this is still probably the best version that he’s made. I still have nightmares about the time he got me to try the version that included whole mealworms!” 

Ness, Popo, and Nana promptly fainted. Toon Link spat out the soup he was drinking.

“Say WHAT?!” he screeched. 

Lucas turned pale in the face, and sat down, clutching the hem of Rosalina’s dress. 

“I don’t feel so well” he mumbled.

Carrie continued “Look at what you’ve done to the kids! This crazy bread idea isn’t going to work!”

“Yeah, and Dr. Quack’s Snake Oil doesn’t keep my skin and hair healthy and fresh!

“Seriously? You actually believe that?”

“Of course it does! Why else do you think I still buy it?”

“You are the most gullible person I’ve ever met!

“No, I’m not! You just can’t appreciate a good product!”

As the siblings continued to bicker, DK and Diddy watched from the door way. They observed, as Yoshi discreetly handed Kirby and Dedede some strong flavored fruit from his emergency stash, and Rosalina hastily distributed her backup reserve of starbits to the kids. Falco had brushed past them in the direction of the bathroom muttering something about mouthwash, as Fox finished gulping down the contents of the coffee pot, and desperately ransacked the cupboards for something with a strong flavor. He grabbed a bottle of hot sauce, thought about it for a split second, and then proceeded to take a swig. They glanced down at their half-eaten bananas, then looked at each other. They shrugged. Why eat bread when you could eat bananas? 

Peach and Zelda vowed to force him to take cooking lessons. Fox and Falco demanded permission to use him as target practice, and very nearly got it too. The kid smashers handed him a badly made clay trophy of sorts that resembled a piece of bread with mushrooms growing out of it inscribed with the text “Worst Bread Ever”. Bowser and Roy were quickly commissioned to incinerate the remaining Fitness bread. It was decided with a vote of 59-1 that Murphy was not allowed to cook for the smashers ever again.


End file.
